Thoughts 2022-04-06: Cuckoo

Just finished reading a chapter in my book. It is called Cloud Cuckoo Land by Anthony Doerr. I am about a third of the way through, so far it is pretty good. In one scene a young girl has a birthday where she transfers to adulthood. This girl is on a spaceship headed to a new earth, but is not going to survive long enough to see the new planet. Now relax, it sounds more sci fi and nerdy than it is, there are also scenes in the 1400s and present day, so don’t write it off if you don’t like sci fi. Dude won the Pulitzer you judgmental bastard.

Anyway, The old earth is dying, I think from climate change. Seems to me anyway, but that is not the point (well, I think it is the point of the book: books, libraries, space ships and planet earth, you get the connections). Part of becoming an adult on this ship is learning that you are a transitional human, which is disturbing for the girl (she finds out in a giant virtual library, reminds me of Borges, read him if you have not), but what is it for us? We are transitional as well, but to what end? Ours is not defined, we are a link in a long chain, but where does that chain lead? To a cart full of hopes and dreams or a giant dense turd that has been dropped to sink into the sea. I guess that is not for us to know. She is transitional in that the people on the ship are there to make sure the ship gets to where it is going. I would love that. We have a ship ourselves, currently we are not doing a great job with the maintenance on this ship. We need to do better. Back to the meaning of life, because that is what it is.

That is a hard part of dying. It is tough to find meaning in what you have done, in what you are doing. I have no biological kids, so my genetic link breaks here, but I have all of you, each reader of this blog, my Wife, my step Daughter, Ma, and Sis, my Nephew, all my Friends and Family, work Pals and all that. What will I impart to you? Hopefully something of value in the end. Not just fear and despair, but hope and positivity is my goal. My hope is that we can all feel a little better about the link we are in the chain. I hope that something I say makes each of you do something kind or something good at some point, something that trickles down the way those things do. Like the Tim Horton’s Pay it Forward, that someone just pockets and fucks off with at some point, usually when the next meal is a big one. Hard to blame them, but people can be shit, let’s not sugar coat it…But sometimes…most times…

I have done some terrible things in my life. If I did them to you I am truly sorry. Many have done some terrible things to me. Some I forgave, some I forgot. What can you do? Get over it, you’ll be glad you did. All in all, the positives outweigh the bad though. Many people have done many great things for me, especially when the chips were down and shit got hard. A lot of people rise up in that situation. I can’t even find the words. People have been great. Wanting to help out and just helping out, without fanfare or reward. People can be good, usually are, the fact that that is the case is why we always remember the garbage folks do, because it is the exception, not the rule. Remember, the people who are the best are that way because they went through some shit, and most of the people who don’t show up just don’t know what to say. They want to say something, they just don’t know how. Cut them some slack. It is hard to know what to do all the time. Nobody does.

I have had some great friends in my life. I have been so lucky. People have helped me so many times. I have lived such a great life many times I find myself feeling guilty for not being better. I wish you all the best, all of you. Find the positives in life, focus on them and make them the things you mark. Don’t worry about the garbage that people do. If you can, forgive, if the people doing the garbage are going to keep doing garbage, punt them and forget them. That is the worst they deserve. There is nothing worse. Being forgotten is the end of life as we know it. As I wrote this someone just randomly said a bunch of great stuff to me, man I really appreciate that, people are by and large pretty good. Cut them some slack. And know that you matter and what you do can make someone’s day. Our invisible arms are long as hell. You will be amazed, often, when you find out how far your reach can go.

To all the folks that have changed my life for the better, and that is likely everyone reading this, thank you for not being garbage, thank you for making my life better, thank you for doing good. Chances are you don’t know what you did, but most of my Facebook friends did something. A good joke at the right time, a helping hand, a large listening ear, shoveling my walks, donating money, dropping off food, so many things, so many, so damned many. Thank you for that. Sincerely, all of you, even if all you did is said, “Thinking of you,” That means a lot, you’ll know if you ever find yourself in my shoes. It means a lot. I will not forget you, and I think of many of you often. And if ten years from now you find yourself thinking of me, because of something I did that affected you, tip a glass to the sun, I will cheers you, you can be sure of that, wherever I am I will clink that glass and share a drink. Mark my words friend, I will raise a glass. I’ll miss you all when I am gone (gonna try and make that years from now), but I won’t forget any of you.