Thoughts 2022-05-08: Hubris

It has been a while: a hot minute as they say in the wider world. I’d say I have been busy, but it was more just a case of being throttled…repeatedly. This new chemo is hard on me. Imagine if you will nausea, chills, fever, and a little pain for good measure. It was supposed to be milder, that did not turn out to be the case.

4 to 5 days of suffering every 7 has proven to suck the wind out of my sails. I am on a break now, just getting over a round of lighter single chemo that should have been mild, but somehow led to puking and a general malaise that kept my motivation under wraps. I’m not complaining, who knows how many days these drugs have bought me, but I refuse to play the tough guy and act like chemo isn’t serious bullshit. It is.

In the meantime I had some very good times as well. A dinner put on by a good friend, who went to a lot of work for me, that turned out to include a bunch of folks I have not seen in ages. A truly great night and one I am eternally grateful to Joe K for. He went above and beyond. I will never forget that. So nice to see old friends all gathered together.

On another note, I wrote a little poem, it is titled Hubris, but after I finished it I saw the error of the sentiment. I’ll lay it out below:

Hubris

We did so well,

Against the gods rebelled,

Such that they sent us down to hell.

There to die,

Before Sin’s wide eye

The gods we did defy.

They gave us gifts,

Boldly tossed to the mists,

By the heroes, divinely kissed.

So do your worst,

We are the first,

To leave with satiated thirst.

All their stormy weather,

Like many weightless feathers,

Foolish gods we’ll live forever.

The misguided part of this poem is the source of the hubris. Acting out against the gods and thinking they have bestowed gifts upon you that you have squandered is wrong headed and vain. It is the highest form of Hubris (which is overbearing pride or presumption, for those who wonder, usually in the face of the gods). That might seem like a weird thing to say but follow me if you will.

What is more prideful or presumptuous than believing the gods care about you at all? So I sit there, feeling sorry for myself, and wonder how I must have offended the gods. What did I do? What did I not do? Vain monkey, that is the heart of your hubris there: The belief the gods care enough about you to punish you for something at all. That is a foolish presumption. And gives the gods more credit than they deserve.

Truly it is impossible to offend the gods, if they do in fact exist. Deaf, dumb, blind, idiot gods that they are; gluttons and drunkards on a millennial binge, stuffed full of ambrosia and wine, drunk like animals, they have no time to watch the drama of the lives of men. Instead we should understand they do not care at all, they are totally oblivious to our virtues and our sins, the evidence is in their toothless, blind ambivalence. If they cared they would punish us, and set things right. Clearly that is not the case, just take a look around. The gods have abandoned us, may god have mercy on our souls.

Lol, some overwrought hyperbole there. I was feeling a little cheeky. It has been a strange day. I am eagerly looking forward to my trip and am very cognizant that it is right around the bend. I have been fighting nausea for days now and lost a couple times along the way. I hope I am over that bend now. Wish me well on my trip, it is the trip of a lifetime. Thank you to everyone who has made it possible. That list is a long one. You are probably on it, thank you for that. I'll leave you with a doodle I did in Krita the other day: